Please Don't Do Coke In The Bathroom Shower Curtain

Okay, let's talk about something. Something that maybe, just maybe, I feel a little strongly about. It's not world peace. It's not even climate change. Nope. It's way more pressing. It's about… bathroom etiquette.

Specifically, it's about a certain white powder and a certain fabric rectangle that hangs in your shower.

The Unspoken Truth About Shower Curtains

Shower curtains. They're there to keep water off your floor. They come in lovely patterns. Some are even antimicrobial. What they are not for? Serving as a makeshift… surface. A surface for, shall we say, illicit activities.

Look, I get it. Bathrooms. Small. Convenient. But think about the poor shower curtain. It’s just hanging there, doing its job. It's a silent observer. It doesn't need to be dragged into your questionable life choices.

Why the Shower Curtain? Really?

Seriously, though. Why the shower curtain? Is it the non-porous surface? Is it the ambiance? Is it because you think the steam will somehow magically erase your sins? Spoiler alert: It won't. Your questionable choices are still questionable, even in a humid environment.

I’m not judging (okay, maybe a little). I'm just saying, there are other surfaces. Many, many other surfaces. Surfaces that aren't designed to repel water and come in cute little ducky patterns.

Think about the residue! Shower curtains are notoriously difficult to clean. You're just adding another layer of grime and questionable substances to an already germ-infested environment. You're welcome, future tenant or houseguest. Your shower curtain experience just got a whole lot more… interesting.

Alternatives: A Helpful Guide

Feeling desperate? Let’s brainstorm some alternatives. I mean, literally anything is better than the shower curtain. How about:

• A plate? (Assuming you have one readily available in the bathroom. Which, admittedly, is unlikely.)
• A book? (Hopefully one you don't mind getting a little… compromised.)
• The back of your hand? (Hygiene questionable, but still better than the shower curtain.)
• A mirror? (Classic. Though, perhaps narcissistic.)
• Seriously, anything. Just not the shower curtain.

Look, I'm not a prude. I just have a deep and abiding respect for shower curtains. They're innocent bystanders in the drama of life. They don't deserve to be collateral damage in your quest for… whatever it is you're questing for.

Think of the Children (and the Guests)

Consider this: what if a child innocently touches the shower curtain after your little escapade? What if your mother-in-law comes to visit and decides to take a shower? Do you really want to explain the… texture… of your shower curtain? I didn't think so.

This isn’t just about hygiene. It's about respect. Respect for the shower curtain. Respect for your guests. Respect for yourself, even (or especially) when you're making questionable decisions.

Let's make a pact. Let's all agree, right here, right now, to protect our shower curtains. To shield them from the horrors of… well, you know. Let's keep our bathroom decor clean, our consciences clear, and our shower curtains pristine.

My Unpopular Opinion (Maybe?)

Maybe this is an unpopular opinion. Maybe I'm completely alone in this. But I suspect, deep down, there are others who feel the same way. Others who cringe at the thought of shower curtains being used for anything other than their intended purpose. Others who believe that some things are sacred. Like shower curtains.

So, next time you're tempted to defile the fabric of your shower enclosure, remember this: please, for the love of all that is holy, just don't do coke on the bathroom shower curtain.

Thank you for your time. And may your shower curtains forever remain unsullied.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go bleach my own shower curtain. Just in case.

(This has been a public service announcement from someone who clearly needs a hobby.)