Which Of These Represents The Company's Mission Statement

So, What Does Your Company Really Do? (Hint: It's Not What They Say)

Let's be honest. You've seen them. Those glossy posters in the breakroom. That inspiring (yet vaguely meaningless) phrase plastered across the website. I'm talking about the mission statement.

Is it just me, or do most mission statements sound like they were written by a committee of robots after a weekend seminar on buzzwords?

Let’s play a game. I'll give you a few options, and we'll see which one actually represents a company's real mission statement. Forget the official version. We're going rogue.

Option A: "To synergistically leverage core competencies to empower stakeholders through innovative solutions, fostering a culture of excellence."

(I think I just pulled a muscle in my brain trying to decipher that.)

Option B: "To make [product/service] slightly better than the competition, while subtly increasing the price."

Option C: "Survive until Friday. Then repeat."

Now, before you judge me for my cynicism, think about it. How many times have you read a mission statement and thought, "Yeah, that’s exactly what they’re all about!"? Probably never.

Let’s look at some other contenders. Maybe your company's mission statement is:

Option D: "Minimize customer complaints while maximizing shareholder value, even if it means using slightly cheaper plastic."

Or perhaps:

Option E: "Encourage teamwork (except when it comes to promotions. Then it's every man for himself!)."

I know, I know. I'm being facetious. But there's a kernel of truth in here somewhere, right?

The problem is, most official mission statements are so high-minded and aspirational that they're completely divorced from the day-to-day reality of working at the company. They're like those Instagram filters that make everyone look ridiculously perfect. We all know the reality is a little... different.

So, what's the real answer? Which of these options best represents a company’s unwritten mission statement? Well, that depends on the company, doesn’t it? But, I'm going to stick my neck out here. My (potentially unpopular) opinion is that it's often a blend of several of them.

A dash of Option B (because, let's face it, competition is fierce). A healthy dose of Option C (because surviving the week is a legitimate accomplishment in many workplaces). And maybe, just maybe, a sprinkle of Option A, mostly to impress the investors.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying companies shouldn't have lofty goals. I'm just suggesting that maybe, just maybe, we should be a little more honest about what those goals actually are.

Maybe the real mission statement should be something like:

Option F: "To create a product/service that people actually want, treat our employees (reasonably) well, and try not to destroy the planet in the process."

Okay, maybe that's a bit too honest. But hey, a guy can dream, right?

So, next time you see that inspiring, yet utterly incomprehensible mission statement, just smile. You know the real mission is probably something a little more... relatable.

And if you're feeling brave, maybe suggest to management that they rewrite it. But be prepared for a blank stare and a polite "We'll take that under advisement."

Because, let’s be real, changing the mission statement might actually require changing the way the company operates. And that, my friends, is a whole different ball game.

In the meantime, just keep surviving until Friday. You're doing great!